In the case of motherhood, what are the claims against you?
Are they sound? Are you guilty in a court of God’s law? For a generation of parents steeped in mom guilt, these are important questions with life-giving answers.
In a 2023 article on navigating guilt as a parent, the Cleveland Clinic defined mom guilt as the name for “feelings of guilt and shame some women feel when they don’t live up to their own or others’ expectations in their role as a parent.”
Surveys consistently tell us that mothers are experiencing widespread mom guilt.
A 2025 survey found parents feel more than 150 pangs of guilt per year. Talker Research surveyed 2,000 U.S. parents with children 11 years old and younger. The results showed, among other things, that parents of young children “feel like ‘bad’ parents” three times per week.
It also showed that a majority of parents keep their struggles private for fear of judgment from their family and friends. The up-and-coming generation of parents is actually more likely to keep its parenting struggles private than the previous generation.
Mama Beasts, a mothers’ wellness company, wrote mothers are living out parenthood in a “guilt epidemic.” In 2024, when Mama Beasts conducted a survey of 300 moms on the question of mom guilt, almost half of the moms responded they feel guilty in some way one-to-two times per day. A third responded three-to-five times per day. When asked what they felt guilty about, almost half responded “my kids.” About the same amount responded, “my inability to do everything or do everything well.”
In 2017, a Good to Know survey of 900 moms showed that 78% of the participants stated they experienced mom guilt.
Where does the Lord fall on this issue, and if we look, is there encouragement and direction for us?
In the case of mom guilt, the enemy has likely laid three major claims against us as parents. Today we’ll look at a first claim.
The first claim is that we do not meet God’s standard, or God’s law, for a “perfect parent.”
As a student at LSU Paul M. Hebert Law Center, I learned a helpful way to determine the outcome for hard questions of law like this called the IRAC method. IRAC stands for Issue, Rule, Application, and Conclusion. We name the issue, name the relevant rule, apply the rule, and then briefly conclude with the outcome.
This method has served me well, and we can use this same approach here. For the next few minutes, let’s examine the challenge of mom guilt in this lawyerly fashion.
If the first claim against us is that we do not meet God’s standard for a “perfect parent,” the issue, then, is whether we do, in fact, meet God’s standard, and if not, what is the outcome? Big questions, but not too big for God.
“The Lord is [y]our judge; the Lord is [y]our lawgiver.” (Isaiah 33:22). As Lawgiver he’s given us his standard, and as Judge he’s decided the right consequence. In his Word, God outlines the perfect parent and gives instructions for people who do, and do not, measure up.
God’s Ten Commandments provide a terrifying standard for the perfect parent.
The perfect parent never puts anyone, including her children, husband, or boss, before God. (Exodus 20:2). She does not use God’s name or any version of his name wrongly in her thoughts or with her family. (Exodus 20:7). She and all of her family rest regularly. (Exodus 20:8-11). She honors her parents in the ways she can. (Exodus 20:12).
She always limits her anger to righteous anger toward her children, spouse and strangers. (Exodus 20:13, James 1:20). She tells the truth to her spouse and, in an age-appropriate form, to all of her children and others. (Exodus 20:16).
She never covets her friend’s house or neighborhood for herself or for the sake of her kids’ childhood memories. She never covets the education other parents can give their children, the toys they give out on holidays, or the family vacations they take. (Exodus 20:17).
God’s standard is distressingly high. In fact, when God declared the Ten Commandments, his words came out with thunder, lightning, trumpet sounds and smoke, and his people—parents included—shuddered in response.
Exodus 20:18-20 says, “[T]he people were afraid and trembled, and they stood far off and said to [their leader] Moses, ‘You speak to us … but do not let God speak to us, lest we die.’” The passage says, “The people stood far off.”
God’s standard is holiness, righteousness, and goodness in all things. (Romans 7:12).
No parent meets this standard. In Romans 3:20–23, Jesus’ disciple Paul says, “For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin…. [A]ll have sinned and fall short.” (emphases added).
Paul, devoted disciple of Jesus and Christian martyr, said he also falls short. In his letter to the Church of Philippi, Paul writes, I do “not hav[e] a righteousness of my own that comes from the law.” (Philippians 3:9). Jesus’ brother James said the same. He said, “[W]e all stumble in many ways.” (James 3:2). “No one is good except God alone.” (Matthew 10:18).
The first claim against us has merit. Under God’s standard, we do not measure up as a parent or otherwise. To be fair, I’ve never met a parent who even claimed to measure up.
Instead, we face a daily battle. For our children, we often “have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out….” (Romans 7:18).
If we apply God’s law to our circumstances, what are the consequences for a mom who is guilty?
Compassion. For you and me, his believers, the consequence saving compassion.
In Isaiah 33:22, Isaiah says the Lord is our judge and lawgiver, but he also says, “the Lord is our king; he will save us.” (emphasis added).
We cannot satisfy the law of the Lawgiver, and we cannot escape a guilty judgment. But, the King, in his almighty power and love pardoned us at the expense of his Firstborn.
John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave [us] his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”
We are guilty, but we are free. We are guilty, but our record is clean. “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:21. For our sake, God sent Jesus.
Even as we continue to make mistakes, we are perfect in our salvation through Jesus’ righteousness. “[B]y a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.” (Hebrews 10:14).
We are guilty as a parent, yes, but God has removed the pang of mom guilt. Forevermore your future is secure and bright as a treasured household member of the King of Kings.
You don’t measure up, but God’s decided to stand by you and give you an abundant life anyway. God has removed the sting.
So, what are the second and third claims against you? Check back here. We’ll dive into the second and third claims over the next two weeks.
Watch or listen to me walk through this article on Tired But Called on YouTube, Spotify and Apple Podcast.
